Caregiving

Couple holds hands in rocking chairs on front porch

Reducing Family Stress: Plan for a community to support you when you need it

, , ,

When asked where they would like to live in their 80s and 90s, most Americans will say “at home”. There is an idyllic image of staying in a home where children have been raised, holidays have been celebrated, and memories have been made. Aren’t we all most comfortable at home? It is the place where we feel secure and safe. But as people are living longer, health complications may interfere with these plans. As we age, we may experience decreased stability, limited sight, and impaired dexterity, all of which may lead to falls, and ultimately, a dangerous living environment.

For seniors living alone, this problematic scenario may be even more difficult as feelings of isolation and depression set in. In fact, studies have shown that seniors experiencing loneliness are more at risk for heart disease, stroke, and even mild cognitive impairment. The fact of the matter is, as we live longer lives, we are more likely to need additional support.

Admitting that an eventual move into a senior living community might be in your future can be a challenging concept. It might feel uncomfortable to admit that you can longer manage your life at home. Senior living is a topic most families do not discuss until the need is an emergency and imminent. Oftentimes, the choice is made by an adult child because they can no longer care for their parent. Or a loved one is being discharged from a hospital and the family is told that they are no longer safe living at home. In many of these scenarios, the senior themselves does not have the opportunity to choose their community. This creates an incredibly difficult decision for the adult children. Is this what mom would want? Will she be happy here? Am I doing the right thing?

The stress and burden this creates for families is unnecessary. Just as we would prepare for the future with a medical directive and will so that family members are not making decisions about our lives for us, the choice of a senior living community can and should be made now so that we can be mentally, financially, and emotionally prepared to take that step when the time comes.

Call today for your complimentary copy of “Choosing the Right Assisted Living”. To find the community nearest you, visit our communities page.

Memory LossThe Holidays 002 2

Transitioning to senior living before the holidays

, , ,

Christmas can often be a lonesome time for seniors living alone. Families visiting their loved ones sometimes see signs that their Mom or Dad is no longer safe at home, but they worry about making that change during the holidays. Guilt about making a change during the holidays can delay the process, but in our experience, moving during this joyful time can lead to an easier transition. Listen in as Bernie Cavis, Regional Vice President and resident memory care expert talks through what she has seen over the last 25 years in senior living.

Questions to ask yourself when choosing the right time to move Mom or Dad:

  • Is Mom or Dad safe at home?
  • Are they taking their medications as directed?
  • Has their been a fall?
  • Do they require 24 care?
  • Who will be looking after them after you leave?
  • Do you have friends of family in town who can help make the move?
  • What will delaying the move a few weeks mean in terms of care, logistics, etc?
  • Do you feel you have the information you need to make a choice?

If you have questions about a specific scenario, contact us at AskTheExperts@commonwealthsl.com.

Surviving-the-Holidays-Part-2-1-1

Surviving the Holidays: Part 2

,

Many of us are anticipating the holidays with both excitement and trepidation. In fact, one family member recently told us, “We’re thinking of just skipping Thanksgiving this year. Between taking care of Dad and getting the house ready for out of town guests, it feels like too much.” Other families have mentioned that the influx of family in town can be both a blessing and a curse. Siblings who come in town want to help but might have different opinions on how Mom or Dad should be cared for.

Here is some great advice by Where you Live Matters on four common causes of sibling tension that can arise when everyone gets together for a holiday and advice on how to address these issues and move forward.

Balance of Caregiving
It’s not always possible for siblings to contribute equally to caregiving. Typically, one sibling does the lion’s share. If siblings don’t help with aging parents, or if the caregiver perceives an inequality, it can lead to sibling tensions and caregiver resentment.

Here’s what you can do:

  • Talk about how to divide the load. Have a family meeting and lay out different areas that require help. Be honest about the needs. Even if your siblings don’t live in town, there are things they can do to help. Someone can focus on finances, another can research helpful tools, services, or senior living options. Someone else can call your parent regularly and be a good listener.
  • Ask for a break while they’re here. Arrange a time where your siblings can be with mom or dad while you get out of the house. Do something that’s relaxing or just plain fun. Hang out with a friend, go on a date with your significant other, or go for a walk or a run. You’ll feel better, and your parent gets to spend time with the family.

Different Perceptions
Siblings tend to argue about things like whether Dad should stop driving or if Mom should get a higher level of care. Sometimes that’s a matter of denial – it’s hard to accept that your parent is no longer able to do everything they used to do. And sometimes it’s a matter of perspective. The Alzheimer’s Association says it’s not at all uncommon for visiting siblings to notice changes in your parent that you might not have seen because you’re in the thick of things every day.

Here’s what you can do:

  • Try to stick to the facts and evidence. These can be very emotional conversations, so it’s important to try to remain calm and talk about the facts. Write them down as you all talk about it. This will help everyone sift through feelings, see the needs or issues more accurately, and work together to come up with a care plan.
  • Try to accept a different perspective. Listening to each other respectfully and considering that someone else may be right can help you see things in a different light. And that can help you be a better caregiver.

Money Matters
Financial concerns are pivotal in making caregiving decisions, such as choosing where your parent should live, what medical care might be needed, or even if they can afford a housekeeper. Figuring out how to pay for it all can cause a lot of sibling tension. And that’s not to mention your cost as a caregiver – the financial strain it adds as well as the cost in terms of how it affects your job.

Here’s what you can do:

  • Be open. Set up regular communication about your parents’ finances and the cost of care. This avoids unpleasant surprises, and when a big decision needs to be made, everyone is aware and can help figure out what to do next.
  • Accept what each of you can afford. Not everyone can afford to contribute the same amount for care, or to fly out to visit or take over for a while. And that’s ok. There are other ways to help. When you have realistic expectations, it lowers the risk of resentment.

Family Patterns
Sometimes, no matter how grown up you are, when the family gets together, you fall right back into childhood roles and patterns. Rivalries or old wounds resurface. Older siblings dominate and leave the younger ones out. Not only is it unhealthy for you and your siblings, it can get in the way of providing the best care for your parent.

Here’s what you can do:

  • Be aware of those patterns. When you recognize your own behavior for what it is, you can do something about it. Before you react, stop and take a breath. Count to 10 if you have to. Then you can make a conscious choice about how best to move forward.
  • Try to see things from another’s point of view. If you can see, for example, that your sister isn’t arguing with you about Mom’s care because she thinks you’re doing it wrong, but because she’s feeling helpless or afraid, it can change the conversation.

There’s another thing you can to help manage the added stress of family during the holidays. Set realistic expectations for yourself and your siblings. Make plans together before they arrive, so that everyone knows how busy or laid back, fancy or minimal, active or quiet your time together will be. Discuss your parent’s current health and capabilities so everyone can adjust their expectations accordingly. And agree that while it might not be a Norman Rockwell, picture-perfect holiday, you’ll work together to make it a holiday that’s just right for your perfectly imperfect family.

Here are some more resources for your family to use when it comes to figuring out the best way to help your aging parents. Making a Family Decision.
Share the link with your siblings and start talking about it at your next family meeting. (You’ve planned one, right?)

Surviving the Holidays Part 1

Surviving the Holidays: Part 1

,

Now that we have finished the Thanksgiving feast, we all have our families on our minds and preparation for Christmas. Big thanks to Kristi Massey at Commonwealth Senior Living at Georgian Manor for sharing her tips for families with us.

The holiday season is upon us, and with it comes more stress. Family dinners to plan, travel to arrange, gifts to buy and much more. For many families, this is a time spent with loved ones who they don’t often see. If you’re planning to visit aging loved ones, here are a few signs that it may be time to consider senior living:

Here are three vital things you should look out for this week:

  • Groceries (especially perishables) – Are they out of date? Are the cabinets/refrigerator stocked appropriately?
  • Condition of House– Is it clean/sanitary? Is it cluttered or unsafe to move about? Has it been appropriately winterized? Are the bills and appointments being properly managed?
  • Health of Your Loved One – How is your loved one’s hygiene? How about their temperament? Does your loved one seem lonely? Does your loved one seem confused and disconnected from the family and conversation?

Making the decision to move into a senior living community can be one of the most challenging decisions that an individual and their family will ever make. But keep in mind that you’re not alone. Our mission is to improve the lives of seniors, their families and each other. That means that we are a resource if you have questions about senior living or senior care even if you aren’t ready to consider a move. Contact us anytime by clicking on this link:  https://www.commonwealthsl.com/contact/.

Coming soon . . .

Part Two: Siblings, Stress and the Holidays

Part Three: Recipe for a Relaxing Holiday Season

Residents hug at piano

Music and Memory

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Do you ever hear a song that instantly brings you back to a specific memory or feeling?  At Commonwealth Senior Living, we know that music is a vital part of living a meaningful life, and it’s especially important for people with Alzheimer’s and dementia.  In fact, recent studies have shown there is a significant connection between music and memory in the brain. Psychology Today describes a recent study from the University of California, Davis in which researchers mapped the regions of the brain that were activated when people listened to familiar music.  The researchers found that the medial prefrontal cortex was highly activated by the music. This is also one of the last parts of the brain to become damaged by Alzheimer’s disease, which may explain why people with Alzheimer’s and dementia respond to music so strongly.  The researchers also found, unsurprisingly, that the songs linked to the strongest memories evoked the highest emotional response and the most activity in the medial prefrontal cortex. This study shows that people have a significant physical and emotional response to music.*

While we now have the science to back it up, at Commonwealth Senior Living, we have known for a long time that music can be transformative for a person with Alzheimer’s or dementia.  That’s why we love our Sweet Melodies program, which is one of our signature programs in which our Program Directors get to know what songs trigger happy memories or positive response from our Sweet Memories residents.  After the six-week long process, each resident has a personalized playlist with songs that create a strong, positive emotional response. This is a great resource for both families and our team to connect to each resident on a personal level. For those who have lost verbal skills, Sweet Melodies ignites a spark within the resident and resonates deeply within them.  For more information about our Sweet Melodies program, visit one of our communities or email us at AskTheExperts@CommonwealthSL.com.

*Berglund, Christopher. “Why Do the Songs from Your Past Evoke Such Vivid Memories?” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 11 Dec. 2013.

Friends have tea in outdoor gazebo

Navigating Family Dynamics in Caregiving

, ,

Thanks to advances in medicine, people are living longer. While this is a positive thing, extended caregiving can bring on tension within the family and added stress. How will you care for your parents at home? Who will look after them? How will expenses be paid? Watching your parents’ strength and independence decline is difficult for anyone to witness. When you combine the emotions, stress, and predispositions of a whole family, it is understandable that tensions may arise. An article published by Family Caregiver Alliance has put together a helpful guide on how to approach this situation with patience and compassion for not only your parents but your siblings as well.

Family Caregiver Alliance suggests having the conversation of care as early on as possible. It is easy for family members to make assumptions that can actually do more hurt than good. For instance, in many family dynamics, it is assumed that the son/s of the family will take over the financial aspects whilst the daughters take over the more nurturing, caring side of caregiving. This may not be the best choice for your family, and there are several other factors to consider when choosing which family member will be responsible for each task. For example, who lives closest to the parent/s? Who has the most free-time outside of their daily responsibilities? It may be that you have to re-look at who is assigned which responsibility and make sure that responsibilities are shared evenly among siblings.

Similarly, there may be disagreements on the level or type of care siblings believe that their parents need. For many people, accepting the fact that your parent needs help can be difficult to digest. Others may be overly anxious and create more stress than there really needs to be. Family Caregiver Alliance suggests the following ways to handle this problem:

  1. If there’s no emergency, allow some time to get everyone on the same page. It’s natural for siblings to take in the situation at different times and in different ways. This can happen regardless of whether they’re far away or close.
  2. Share information. Get a professional assessment of your parent’s condition by a doctor, social worker, or geriatric care manager and send the report to all your siblings. Try using email, online care sharing tools, and/or in-person family meetings to help keep everyone abreast of care issues and information.
  3. Keep in mind that parents often tell their kids’ different things about how they’re doing. This is a good reason to keep communication lines open with each other and to try to pool your information about your parent’s health.

It is easy to become side-tracked and feel like you are not making your parents “happy”. This is too much of an emotional burden on you and your siblings to hold, and the primary focus should be getting the basic needs that they need, whatever it may be. Family Caregiver Alliance has pinpointed these “clues” that might show that you and/or a sibling are acting out emotionally:

  1. Your level of emotion is out of proportion to the specific thing being discussed right now. For example: getting into a heated argument about which of you should go to the doctor with Dad next week.
  2. You or your siblings criticize the way you think another person is being, for example: selfish, bossy, uncaring, irresponsible, or worse.
  3. You feel that none of your siblings understands what Mom needs the way you do and you are the only one who can do certain things.
  4. You or your siblings generalize a discussion, saying, for example, “You always do this!”
  5. You or your siblings criticize the way one another feels, for example, “You don’t care anything about Mom.”

If you feel these emotions at any time, it could be the moment to take a step back and re-evaluate your reaction to the situation. Was it rational? Was it helpful to your parents and/or siblings? Is there a more effective way to tackle the situation at hand?

Lastly, below are some tips for winning more support from your siblings, put together by Caregivers Alliance:

  1. Try to accept your siblings—and your parents—as they really are, not whom you wish they were. Families are complicated and never perfect. There are no “shoulds” about how people feel. They are not bad people or bad children if they donʼt feel the same as you do. If you can accept this, you are likelier to get more support from them, or, at least, less conflict.
  2. Do not over-simplify. Itʼs easy to assume that you are completely right and your siblings are all wrong—or lazy, irresponsible, uncaring, etc. Each person has a different relationship with your parent, and each personʼs outlook is bound to be different.
  3. Ask yourself what you really want from your siblings. Before you can ask for what you want, you need to figure this out and thatʼs not always as simple as it seems. First of all, ask yourself whether you really, deep down, want help. Many caregivers say they do but actually discourage help. So think hard. Do you want them to do certain tasks regularly? Do you want them to give you time off once in a while? Or do you feel you have everything under control but youʼd like them to contribute money for services or respite?
  4. Or—and this is a big one for many caregivers—do you really not want them to do anything but youʼd like more emotional support? Many caregivers feel lonely, isolated, and unappreciated. If youʼd like your siblings to check in on you more, ask them to call once a week. And tell them it would really help if they would say “thanks” or tell you youʼre doing a good job. They are more likely to do this if you donʼt criticize them for what they are not doing. Ask for help clearly and effectively. Asking is the first step. You might ask for help by saying: “Can you stay with Mom every Thursday? I have to get the shopping done for the week and it gives me some time to myself.” Donʼt fall into the common trap of thinking, “I shouldnʼt have to ask.” Your siblings may assume that you have everything covered so they donʼt recognize the added responsibilities and “burden.” They are involved with their own lives and struggles and not so attuned to yours that they can read your mind. Also, if youʼre not exactly sure what you want from them, you may be giving them mixed messages. Ask directly and be specific. Many caregivers hint or complain or send magazine articles about the hardships of eldercare. But these strategies do not work well. Ask for whatʼs realistic. People get more when they donʼt ask for the impossible. So consider the relationship your sibling has with Mom or Dad and ask for what that person can really give. If your sister canʼt spend ten minutes with Mom without screaming at her, donʼt ask her to spend time; ask for something thatʼs easier for her, like doing paperwork or bringing groceries.
  5. Watch how you ask for help—and steer clear of the cycle of guilt and anger. Avoid making your siblings feel guilty. Yes, really. Guilt makes people uncomfortable and defensive. They might get angry, minimize or criticize what you are doing, or avoid you. That is likely to make you angry, and then you will try harder to make them feel guilty. They will attack back or withdraw even more. And round and round you go. Sometimes your siblings will criticize you because they are genuinely concerned about your parents. Try to listen to these concerns without judgment and consider whether it is useful feedback. At the same time, be bold by asking for appreciation for all that you are doing—and remember to say thanks back when someone is helpful. Be careful of your tone and language when you request something. Itʼs not always easy to hear the way we sound to others. You might think you are asking for help in a nice way, but if youʼre angry, thatʼs the tone your siblings will hear. And theyʼre likely to react in unhelpful ways.
  6. Get help from a professional outside the family. Families have long, complicated histories, and during this very emotional passage, it is often hard to communicate with each other without overreacting, misinterpreting, or fighting old battles. Even the healthiest families can sometimes use the help of an objective professional. People like family therapists, social workers, geriatric care managers, physicians, or clergy can help siblings establish what is real about parentʼs health and needs in order to help distribute responsibilities more equitably. In family meetings, they can help you stay focused on the topic at hand and help you avoid bringing up old arguments.
  7. Steer clear of power struggles over your parent’s assignment of legal powers. Whether or not you have been given your parentʼs legal powers over finances or health, you need to remember that it is your parent who has made these decisions. If you have your Momʼs or Dadʼs power of attorney, be sure to keep detailed records and send your siblings statements about how you have spent Momʼs money. This may seem like a lot of extra work, but record keeping is required by law, and being open will reduce distrust or distortion—and lawsuits. If a sibling has been given legal power, try to accept your parentʼs decision and donʼt take it as a personal attack on you. Do your best to work with the sibling who has the authority by presenting expenses and bills in black and white. If the sibling who has the purse strings doesnʼt cooperate, then bring in a professional to explain your parentʼs needs and to mediate. If you are concerned about manipulation, a changed will, or undue influence, contact your local Adult Protective Services.
  8. Donʼt let inheritance disputes tear your family apart. If you feel wronged by the way your parents have divided their money and property, itʼs natural to be upset, especially when you are grieving. You may feel that you deserve more because you have cared for your parents. If thatʼs what you feel, you need to discuss this with your parents while they are alive and can make these decisions. If you suspect foul play by another sibling, then this is the time to consult an attorney or Adult Protective Services.

Yet, research shows that most parents feel a need to leave their estates equally as a sign of their equal love for all their children. When they divide things unequally, itʼs often because they are worried that a particular child will be in greater need. Whatever their reasons, remember that it was your parents, not your siblings, who decided this. Think hard before you take your anger or disappointment out on your siblings. They are what remains of your original family, and for most people, this relationship becomes more important after parents die.

Remember, this is a complex and emotional situation for all of your family. Whatever emotions you may be feeling; your siblings could be feeling the same way. Take time to care for yourself, while at the same time remaining patient and open-minded with your siblings. Now, more than ever, it is time to come together and support each other during this time of transition for your family.

To speak with a senior living professional in your area, find the community closest to you by clicking here.

Salad at dinner

Autumn Salad with Chef Andre

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

At Commonwealth Senior Living, we are proud to serve our residents nutritious, filling, and delicious meals made from locally-sourced ingredients.  We also know that caregivers need to take care of themselves by eating nutrient-dense foods, which will provide plenty of energy. No matter who you are, you can use a quick, easy, delicious meal like this Autumn Salad presented by Chef Andre at Commonwealth Senior Living at Gloucester House.  

 

With hearty ingredients like kale, apples, cranberries, butternut squash and a simple vinaigrette, there’s no reason not to try this perfect salad for fall!

 

If you’d like to see Chef Andre demonstrate his tricks for making this salad, check out this video: https://wtvr.com/2018/10/18/hearty-and-colorful-autumn-salad/ We’re very proud that he’s been featured on the local news again!

 

Autumn Salad

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 10 minutes

Ready Time: 20 minutes

Servings: 2

Salad:

1 Large Bunch of kale, ribs removed and chopped
1 Romaine lettuce heart, chopped
1 fresh gala apple, sliced (Toss in lemon juice to keep these from turning brown)
½ cup dried cranberries
½ cup candied pecans
¼ cup sliced pickled beets
¼ cup crumbled bleu cheese
¼ cup diced butternut squash, roasted
½ each small red onion sliced

DRESSING

½ cup olive oil
¼ cup red wine vinegar
¼ cup fresh squeezed orange juice
1 teaspoon white cane sugar
Sea Salt
Ground Black Pepper

1. In a medium bowl, whisk together red wine vinegar, orange juice, and sugar.

2. Continue to whisk while slowly adding the olive oil to insure the dressing pulls together.

3. Season dressing with salt and pepper to taste

4. This is where it gets FUN!!!! Be Creative!

5. Using a large dinner plate, place greens in the center of the plate

6. Add sliced apples, dried cranberries, pecans, bleu cheese, red onion, pickled beets, and butternut squash

7. Drizzle dressing over salad and serve

Residents drive golf cart

Commonwealth Cares Golf Classic

, , , , , , ,

At Commonwealth Senior Living, we care about people, and that includes not only seniors and their families, but also our associates.  That’s why he host the annual Commonwealth Cares Golf Classic to benefit our 501(c)3 nonprofit organization devoted to helping our associates experiencing a financial crisis.  Chief Human Resource Officer, Tommy Comer said, “Many of us are financially unprepared for a crisis, such as a health scare, fire or worse. Commonwealth Cares provides needed financial support for all of the amazing CSL associates who work to improve the lives of seniors every day, so that they can rest easy.”  

This year, the Golf Classic was held on September 17th at the Kingsmill Resort in Williamsburg, VA, where we raised more than $100,000 for Commonwealth Cares.  More than 240 associates have received financial assistance from Commonwealth Cares since 2015, totaling over $380,000 in aid, out of $477,000 raised. One of those associates is Ernesha Francis, an associate at Commonwealth Senior Living in Williamsburg.  She said, “Earlier this year, I was homeless for an extended period of time. When I became an employee of Commonwealth Senior Living in June 2018, my Executive Director helped me apply for Commonwealth Cares. I was accepted and was able to get back on my feet.  Now, my newborn baby and I have a roof over our heads, thanks to all the incredible individuals who support this wonderful organization. Today, I’m blessed to be able to contribute financially to Commonwealth Cares so that others–like me–can feel secure in knowing that Commonwealth cares and Commonwealth Senior Living are there for them.”

We would like to say, “Thank You” to our sponsors, especially our signature sponsors, Essensa & Innovatix and Remedi Senior Care.  Additional thanks are owed to BridgeTrust Title Group, Care Advantage, Compton Counts, Inc., DB3, Entercom Richmond, Fischer Group, Kramer + Marks, Love & Company, Masters Mechanical Corp., MSA, P.C., PC&A Business Environments, Senior Living Smart, T&N Printing, VCPI, ALSCO, BrightView Landscape Services, Brown and Brown Insurance, Guardian Pharmacy, CDW, Direct Supply, Draper Aden Associates, Fox Rehab, Ix Foundation, McGriff Insurance Services (BB&T Insurance), McGuire Woods LLP, OnShift, Procurement Partners, S&D Coffee, US Foods, McDonald Building Company, Morgan Lewis Bockius, Rich Products Corporation, Commonwealth Partnerships, O’Hagan Meyer, Triple “S” Termite & Pest Control Inc., Williams Mullen, USI Insurance, Q Master Billiards, State Cleaning Solutions, and The Virginian-Pilot.

As Richard Brewer, Founder and Chief Executive Officer explained, “Commonwealth Cares is an extension of our Purpose as a company to make a difference in the lives of our residents, our families, and each other every day.”

 

For more information about Commonwealth Cares, visit www.commonwealthcares.net.

Thunderstorm

7 Tips for Hurricane Preparation

, , ,

As we monitor the track of Hurricane Florence, our community teams are hard at work taking the necessary steps to assure that they are prepared for the upcoming storm by implementing their Hurricane Readiness Plan. We are focused on ensuring appropriate staffing levels, availability of medications, availability of emergency food and water supplies, confirming that generators are ready in case of power outage and if absolutely necessary, evacuation plans are secured.

Still, as we prepare our communities, we are concerned for the population outside our four walls. We have created a hurricane preparedness checklist.

  1. Create a list of family members and friends along with their contact
    information. Make sure everyone on your list knows about your
    emergency plans in the event of a storm.
  2. Wind during a hurricane can reach over 100 mph. Reduce the risk of
    damage to yourself and your home by removing lawn furniture,
    umbrellas, and other outdoor items.
  3. In the event of flooding or torrential rain, sensitive documents could be at
    risk. Place all important documents including your ID, social security card,
    prescription information, and emergency contact list in water-tight
    container and keep that on you always.
  4. Have a kit of emergency supplies readily available that includes: a twoweek
    supply of medication, canned food and non-perishables, a flashlight
    with extra batteries, a first-aid kit, a battery-operated radio, emergency
    cell phone, and at least 7-gallons of clean water.
  5. Ask your local first responders and emergency management team for
    detailed information about emergency evacuation routes and local
    shelters in advance of a storm.
  6. Pets are important members of the family and they need protection
    during a storm as well. Consider boarding them with their
    veterinarian or boarding facility where they can stay safe.
  7. Hurricanes can leave communities without power or running water
    for weeks. Consider your safety first by choosing to stay in a senior
    living community or with a loved-one before a storm hits.

If you are unsure if your area is within the evacuation zone, this map will help you locate the zone appropriate to your area.

Our communities are actively preparing for Hurricane Florence. If you have difficulty reaching one of our community teams and/or have questions that you need answered, please email HurricanQuestions@CommonwealthSL.com or call our company headquarters at 434-220-1055.

Residents smile in gazebo

Talking to Your Employer About Caregiving

, , ,

The American Senior Housing Association provides a tremendous amount of helpful information for caregivers and families researching senior living options through their blog, Ageless Advice. The following post came directly from their site and addresses the issue of work/caregiving balance which so many families face.

“I’m trying to be a good employee, but taking care of my mom at the same time is making it hard. I feel guilty leaving work for her appointments, but there’s no one else to do it. I’m stressed and worried that I’ll lose my job.”

Working daughters make up the bulk of family caregivers, and they’re feeling the pressure. According to the Daughters in the Workplace North American Research Report, one in four working daughters:

  • Say their career growth has suffered because they’re caregivers
  • Feel their supervisor is unsympathetic to their caregiver responsibilities
  • Believe there’s a stigma associated with taking time off to be a caregiver

Whether you’re a new family caregiver or a veteran, how can you talk to your employer about being a caregiver so you can get some support with balancing work and caregiving?

Start with HR

Ask your Human Resources department about the company’s policies and programs that support caregivers. Some companies have resources to help you find community services, legal or financial assistance, caregiver support groups, counseling or respite care. They may also offer caregiving leave or flexible scheduling. If your company doesn’t have any policies in place, they might be open to making some. Download this toolkit to help your employer learn how they can support their working caregivers.

Under the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA), eligible employees are entitled to unpaid leave for up to 12 weeks per year without losing health benefits or job security so they can care for a spouse, child or parent with a serious health condition. The law doesn’t require companies to pay you during time off.

  • You can take those 12 weeks all at once or in smaller pieces.
  • To qualify, you must have worked for the company for at least 1,250 hours in the past 12 months.
  • Companies are required by law to tell you your rights under FMLA, and if you qualify, to offer you leave.
  • Employers may not threaten you or make your work life harder because you request a leave.

It’s important to note that companies with fewer than 50 employees are exempt from FMLA. And that means unless there are state or city laws in place, they’re not required to make accommodations or give you any time off.

The Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA) allows for employees taking time off to care for a disabled parent to receive the same treatment as employees taking time off to care for disabled children. The ADA also offers protection against losing your job or harassment due to taking leave.

Talk to Your Supervisor

You may not feel comfortable sharing personal information with your supervisor, but they can be a great ally for you. Good bosses don’t want to lose good employees, and many will work with you to find solutions.

  • Make notes about what you want to say and what you hope to get out of your conversation. It will help you stay on track and not leave out important points.
  • Be clear and realistic as you explain your caregiving role and how it’s impacting your work-life balance.
  • Explain what you’ve been doing to try and juggle work and caregiving. Tell them what’s worked and what hasn’t.
  • Have some ideas about how you might proceed in ways that don’t cost the company more money or time. These ideas are to start a longer conversation — there may be more than one way to achieve your goals.
  • Be flexible and willing to compromise. If a flexible work schedule isn’t possible, perhaps a change in schedule or working from home one or two days a week is.

Look for Additional Support

If your parent needs more care than you can give and you still need to keep your job, it may be time to consider other resources.

  • Many senior living communities offer respite care for caregivers who need a break every now and then. Knowing your parent has a safe, caring place to go for a few days can let you focus on a big project or take a work trip.
  • If your parent lives out of town or a longer drive across town, consider bringing them closer to you. An assisted living or memory care community near you could provide the help they need while letting you be closer to them — cutting down on your travel time and easing your caregiving stress. Explore senior living options near you.

Being a caregiver is hard, especially when you work full-time. But having honest conversations with your employer can go a long way toward making life a little easier.

Sources:
AARP
The U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission
Elizz.com
Northeast Business Group on Health

Load More